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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 9/15/19

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
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THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/23/18 LISTEN!
9/23/18: CT woman mistakenly grabs stick of dynamite during power outage; OH grocery store employee arrested for helping herself to deli meat for eight years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/30/18 LISTEN!
9/30/18: Man arrested in VA grocery store for rubbing produce items on his buttocks; AZ man plays saxophone on side of freeway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/7/18 LISTEN!
10/7/18: Maine woman sells moose turds as works of art!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/14/18 LISTEN!
10/14/18: Volunteers needed to count squirrels in NY's Central Park; FL grandma pops out dentures to scare away naked intruder!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/21/18 LISTEN!
10/21/18: UK townsfolk haunted by the sound of children's nursery rhymes in the middle of the night, triggered by spiders!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/28/18 LISTEN!
10/28/18: LA man blames a ghost for drugs in his house; WV woman tells police she wants to drink their blood!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/4/18 LISTEN!
11/4/18: There's plastic in our poop!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/11/18 LISTEN!
11/11/18: Suspicious package discovered in NC turned out to be Journey cassette tape; half-naked woman falls through TN restaurant's kitchen ceiling!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/18/18 LISTEN!
11/18/18: USAF spends $1200 on coffee cup; remembering my demented Thanksgiving dinner recipe from 1989!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/25/18 LISTEN!
11/25/18: FL man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over in footmobile; PA assault involving cans of SpaghettiOs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/2/18 LISTEN!
12/2/18: FL package thief gets box full of worms; mysterious ATM found in Maine backwoods!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/9/18 LISTEN!
12/9/18: Inflatable Frosty the Snowman decoration in TN was slashed across the stomach; abominable snowman sightings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/16/18 LISTEN!
12/16/18: A.V. Club releases nine-hour "179 Days Of Christmas" song; NJ teacher sacked after telling first-graders that Santa Claus isn't real!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/23/18 LISTEN!
12/23/18: UK elementary school's "elf murder" project causes consternation from parents; diving Santa Clauses make quite a spalsh!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/30/18 LISTEN!
12/30/18: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Will gets locked out of the studio!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/6/19 LISTEN!
1/6/19: Computer chip sniffs armpits to check for body odor; PUNgent fallout from New World Odor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/13/19 LISTEN!
1/13/19: Iowa man assaults convenience store clerk with banana; Barack Obama debuts on Billboard R&B chart!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/20/19 LISTEN!
1/20/19: Ford Motor Company adds sweat glands to its robot butt; CA man licks stranger's doorbell for three hours!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/27/19 LISTEN!
1/27/19: It's the 2019 State of Dementia address, featuring clips from all the songs on the most recent Funny 25 countdown!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/3/19 LISTEN!
2/3/19: PA man comforted by emotional-support alligator; German officials apprehend airline passenger with boa constrictor in his pants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/10/19 LISTEN!
2/10/19: NM school delays classes after vegetable-oil prank; WA baker in hot water over politically-charged Valentime's Day cookie!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/17/19 LISTEN!
2/17/19: By special request, it's the "Dr. Demento Story" exposé from 1991!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/24/19 LISTEN!
2/24/19: Weather service issues "small dog alert" due to strong winds; streaker shuts down SC airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/3/19 LISTEN!
3/3/19: TX man covers self in peanut butter, walks around dog park; LA man in gorilla suit breaks into home!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/10/19 LISTEN!
3/10/19: TX man steals 612 pairs of women's underwear; exotic dancers on strike in Hollywood!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/17/19 LISTEN!
3/17/19: 30-million-page library en route to the moon to preserve human civilization; VT town elects goat as mayor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/24/19 LISTEN!
3/24/19: Naked, barking man steals SUV and assaults police in Iowa; Australian man's cellphone blocks arrow fired at him!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/31/19 LISTEN!
3/31/19: Truck carrying 5,500 gallons of printer ink overturns on Atlanta interstate; NY burglar trapped in air duct!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/7/19 LISTEN!
4/7/19: Customers claim MA grocery store is haunted; HI man ordered to stop drinking Pepsi for four years after stealing car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/14/19 LISTEN!
4/14/19: NASA wants to investigate astronaut poop left behind from the Apollo moon missions a half-century ago!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/21/19 LISTEN!
4/21/19: FL man theatened to destroy everyone with his army of turtles; OR police responding to a burglary ended up apprehending a Roomba!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/28/19 LISTEN!
4/28/19: Jail-seeking GA man throws drill at courthouse door; Irish woman who claims to have married ghost pirate says they're breaking up!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/5/19 LISTEN!
5/5/19: Chicago police round up runaway donkey on highway; PA thieves make off with colonoscopy instruments!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/12/19 LISTEN!
5/12/19: Swallowed AirPod still works after passing; AZ woman moons customers at Starbucks drive-through!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/19/19 LISTEN!
5/19/19: MI man threatens restaurant workers over lack of ranch dressing; TX restaurant employees put laxatives on their pizza!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/26/19 LISTEN!
5/26/19: Worldwide helium shortage; Pooey Puitton vs. Louis Vuitton lawsuit flushed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/2/19 LISTEN!
6/2/19: Man in China gets traffic ticket after scratching face; Chinese citizens required by law to respect giant pandas!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/9/19 LISTEN!
6/9/19: FL man covered in chocolate syrup arrested for domestic battery; Singapore man fined for flinging two rubber bands onto street!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/16/19 LISTEN!
6/16/19: Man robs two banks using avocado disguised as grenade; teen blames speeding violation on urgent bathroom call from too many hot wings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/23/19 LISTEN!
6/23/19: Frozen sewage falling from commercial airliners; remembering Sweet Sixteen birthday party spoiled by feces falling from the sky!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/30/19 LISTEN!
6/30/19: FL man defecates during trial and tries to throw feces at judge; United Airlines flight overtaken by ants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/7/19 LISTEN!
7/7/19: From 2014: PA man calls 911 repeatedly to play saxophone for emergency dispatchers; VT police searching for broccoli thief!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/14/19 LISTEN!
7/14/19: WARNING! It's a Whimsical Will tirade: Millennial cashiers are confounded by coins!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/21/19 LISTEN!
7/21/19: Topless UK woman jumps off roof to evade police; naked WI man tells police he's on "tons and tons and tons and tons and tons" of acid!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/28/19 LISTEN!
7/28/19: Bud Light offering free beer to extra-terrestrials that escape from Area 51; Popsicle Phil on a space alien's tail!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/4/19 LISTEN!
8/4/19: West Springfield, MA, invaded by runaway yaks; 17,000 oysters stolen from FL seafood company!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/11/19 LISTEN!
8/11/19: "Old Town Road" becomes the #1 song of all time; squeaky hinges play familiar melodies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/18/19 LISTEN!
8/18/19: Lightning strike near septic tank in FL causes toilet to explode; remembering other pressurized potties in the news!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/25/19 LISTEN!
8/25/19: UK company offers glitter-infused multivitamin for poop-time pizzazz; VA man wearing TV set on head leaves old TV sets on random front porches!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/1/19 LISTEN!
9/1/19: CT woman arrested for removing bikini at beach; Mimi's surf report; IN state trooper vehicle struck by dirty diaper!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/8/19 LISTEN!
9/8/19: NH woman fights to keep PB4WEGO vanity license plate; didgeridoo-wielding attacker in Tulsa!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/15/19 LISTEN!
9/15/19: Roller coaster stolen from Ohio fairgrounds; taking a ride on The Armageddon!


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