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"Demented News" in Real Audio!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in RealAudio!

UPDATED 1/22/12

Complete "Demented News" reports from the Dr. Demento Show are STREAMING in RealAudio!
Here's an archive of requested favorites and recent reports.


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)

THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will tirade!!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

CAN'T POO-POO THIS "DEMENTED NEWS" LISTEN!
The oh-so-demented tale of dueling talking poo!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid Matt requested this report from April, 1995, which features a young Whimsical Will as "Christopher Robin"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid Deven Combs requested this report from 1998 on the changing value of pi!

REQUEST -- "ROCK RAP" LISTEN!
Okay, so it's not a "Demented News" report, but long-time Dementoid Benn Allen was kind enough to remember my "Rock Rap" from 1987 (which tells a twisted tale using more than 200 names of rock artists), so I thought I'd upload it here!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/30/11 LISTEN!
1/30/11: MI woman makes "Last Supper" replica out of laundry lint; remembering UK woman trapped in clothes dryer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/6/11 LISTEN!
2/6/11: Police called on obscene snowman in SC yard; FL burglars snort ashes of man and two dogs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/13/11 LISTEN!
2/13/11: Urine-powered video games in Tokyo restrooms; remembering UK man's electric shock on toilet seat!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/20/11 LISTEN!
2/20/11: TN woman arrested for mooning police; Berlin robbers steal rose-scented postage stamps!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/27/11 LISTEN!
2/27/11: Russian young women dressed in mini-skirts chip away at snow and ice to demand better city services; 700,000 condoms disappear in transit between Malaysia and Japan!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/6/11 LISTEN!
3/6/11: IL burglar kills goldfish "witnesses"; remembering singing guard "fish"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/13/11 LISTEN!
3/13/11: London restaurant offers ice cream made from human breast milk; AR man urinates on food in grocery store!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/20/11 LISTEN!
3/20/11: Mazda recalls cars due to spiders in fuel vent; OH man stops car in road, says he's from 33 A.D. and was talking to God!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/27/11 LISTEN!
3/27/11: Swedish bank robber leaves bottles of urine behind; German radio station contest offers funeral money!

[No 4/3/11 "Demented News" report]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/10/11 LISTEN!
4/10/11: Snake dies from silicone posioning after biting model's breast implants; Romanian TV star blames breast implants for driving without a license!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/17/11 LISTEN!
4/17/11: ME plumber scatters toilets on lawn to protest parking situation; condom vending machine stolen from WA sports bar; German scuba divers play card game underwater for 36 hours!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/24/11 LISTEN!
4/24/11: British software company looking for web programmers willing to work naked; FL man celebrates 64th birthday by flashing school bus!

[No 5/1/11 "Demented News" report]

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/8/11 LISTEN!
5/8/11: Length of ring finger vs. index finger and attraction factor; remembering man who cut off ring finger and gave it to ex-wife!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/15/11 LISTEN!
5/15/11: Drunk CT man takes school lawnmower on joyride; OH Turnpike crash spills cereal; rising gas prices spawn fryer grease rustlers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/22/11 LISTEN!
5/22/11: Giant, walk-through purse exhibit at WA museum; IL man keeps pet alligator to attract women!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/29/11 LISTEN!
5/29/11: Prague Zoo selling elephant dung; remembering koala droppings for sale to Australian tourists!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/5/11 LISTEN!
6/5/11: Illegal bologna seized at Mexican border; dispute over ham injures four in Italy!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/12/11 LISTEN!
6/12/11: ME man repeatedly pocket-dials 911; UK comedian performs stand-up routine to cows!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/19/11 LISTEN!
6/19/11: TX bus system prohibits saggy pants; PA woman gets hand stuck in ATM!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/26/11 LISTEN!
6/26/11: Glass staircase at OH courthouse offers upskirt viewing; women steal 75 underarm deodorant sticks from FL market!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/3/11 LISTEN!
7/3/11: Anthony Weiner action figure; setting off my Safe-and-Insane fireworks display!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/10/11 LISTEN!
7/10/11: University of Vermont brings sheep to campus; NH landlord using DNA on doggie doo to ID offenders!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/17/11 LISTEN!
7/17/11: Homeless ME man arrested for stealing electricity while charging cellphones; FL man threatens customer at post office for standing off-center in line!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/24/11 LISTEN!
7/24/11: AZ man shoots his car when it wouldn't start; unauthorized tour of Dr. Demento's record archives!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/11 LISTEN!
7/31/11: PA woman gets slapped by boyfriend after complaining he never wrote a song for her; Austrian man wears colander on head, becomes Pastafarian!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/11 LISTEN!
8/7/11: ID river clogs with toilet paper after truck accident; remembering UK school asking for donations of toilet paper!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/11 LISTEN!
8/14/11: FL man pulls gun on roommate over TV volume; bonnet hair dryer saves woman in Germany when salon ceiling collapses!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/11 LISTEN!
8/21/11: ID man ordered to stop wearing bunny suit in public; Swedish man arrested for attempting to build nuclear reactor in kitchen!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/11 LISTEN!
8/28/11: NY woman finds adhesive bandage in dish of ice cream; drunken UK man blames color-blind horse for carriage running red light!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/11 LISTEN!
9/4/11: Brazil prison employs security geese; underground Hobbit Hotel opens in Montana!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/11 LISTEN!
9/11/11: Finnish ferry runs aground while captain is stuck in bathroom; IA woman becomes hostile when denied bikini wax!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/11 LISTEN!
9/18/11: 1700 pairs of panties dumped on side of OH road; Domino's Pizza plans to open restaurant on moon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/11 LISTEN!
9/25/11: MS man stuffs live lobsters in shorts; CA man dressed in Gumby costume attempts robbery!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/11 LISTEN!
10/2/11: This week in "Demented News" history (2001): Australian radio station's "Spell AC/DC" contest!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/11 LISTEN!
10/9/11: Intoxicated CA woman accused of abusing a duck; SC woman buys a block of wood, thinking it's an iPad!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/11 LISTEN!
10/16/11: AL business turns cremated ashes into ammunition; MA ex-DJ threatens to shoot up radio station over unfulfilled song request!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/11 LISTEN!
10/23/11: Funeral parlors represent a dying industry; WV woman steals hearse with dead body inside!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/11 LISTEN!
10/30/11: From 2001, join me for tricks-AND-treats with the "Halloween Cut-Up"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/11 LISTEN!
11/6/11: Black bear cub terrorizes AK grocery store; bear raids TN candy store!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/11 LISTEN!
11/13/11: MI restaurant cooks up 338-pound burger; letter "G" tile goes missing at World Scrabble Championship!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/11 LISTEN!
11/20/11: Female employees at Swedish lingerie store wear nametags displaying breast size; snake slithers out of Madrid ATM!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/11 LISTEN!
11/27/11: New toilet motorcycle runs on sewage gas!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/11 LISTEN!
12/4/11: FL woman arrested for illegal cosmetic surgery after injecting buttocks with cement, Fix-A-Flat, and Super Glue!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/11 LISTEN!
12/11/11: A look at "Doggie Doo," a best-selling toy this holiday season!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/11 LISTEN!
12/18/11: MD man in Frosty the Snowman costume arrested after scuffling with authorities at parade; NC man's Frosty costume generates 911 calls!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/11 LISTEN!
12/25/11: FL mall Santa Claus gets beard caught in rappelling gear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/12 LISTEN!
1/1/12: 70-year-old fruitcake sells for $525; cupcake confiscated at airport due to frosting security risk; a call to the Hall & Oates Emergency Hotline!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/12 LISTEN!
1/8/12: Topless restaurant in Montreal ordered to clothe; vengeful FL woman throws pink paint on ex-boyfriend!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/12 LISTEN!
1/15/12: CO woman arrested for defacing a million-dollar painting by punching, rubbing her butt, and relieving herself on it!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/12 LISTEN!
1/22/12: Beethoven pleads poverty in newly-discovered letter; IN car thief threatens to eat police!


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