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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 3/24/19

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.




THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)


THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/1/18 LISTEN!
4/1/18: MI man eats Lucky Charms cereal out of pothole in road; UK motorist pulled over for driving without front tire!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/8/18 LISTEN!
4/8/18: Woman tips Bangkok cab driver with pile of poo; taxi barfing bill; Italian soccer goalkeeper relieves himself behind goal!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/15/18 LISTEN!
4/15/18: Zombie raccoons terrorizing OH residents; tiny, tooth-mounted sensors track food intake!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/22/18 LISTEN!
4/22/18: Restroom hot-air dryers shoot feces at your hands; Toronto woman steals Yoko Ono's rock valued at $17k!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/29/18 LISTEN!
4/29/18: Tumbleweed invasion in Victorville, CA; China farm breeds six billion cockroaches a year!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/6/18 LISTEN!
5/6/18: UK schools removing traditional clocks because students can't tell time; scientists confirm Uranus smells like farts!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/13/18 LISTEN!
5/13/18: Denver woman blows up urine in microwave oven at 7-Eleven; UK man arrested for possessing potato peeler in public place!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/20/18 LISTEN!
5/20/18: Sharks love jazz, but are stumped by classical music; Canadian looters escape in getaway canoe!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/27/18 LISTEN!
5/27/18: Two men in homemade, tinfoil space suits claim to harvest electricity from thunderbolts, dupe businessmen n India!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/3/18 LISTEN!
6/3/18: USPS issuing its first scratch-and-sniff postage stamps; remembering 2011 story re: Berlin rose-scented postage stamp (reluctant) heist!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/10/18 LISTEN!
6/10/18: Woman in China stopped by police for driving a bumper car; plane makes emeergency landing due to smelly passenger!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/17/18 LISTEN!
6/17/18: FL man arrested for pleasuring himself in public tells police he is Captain Kirk from "Star Trek"; tribute to manualist Musical Mike!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/24/18 LISTEN!
6/24/18: Check in to the "Hotel Influenza" in St. Louis and earn $3500 by coming down with the flu!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/1/18 LISTEN!
7/1/18: Hard Rock Hotel in Atlantic City misspells "rhythm" on 30-foot-tall guitar sign; man steals human toes from "Body World" exhibition in Auckland!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/8/18 LISTEN!
7/8/18: WI man's upskirt video plans thwarted when shoe camera explodes; house dropped in middle of two-lane road in DE!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/15/18 LISTEN!
7/15/18: Rare 17th-century books at University of Southern Denmark contain arsenic; PA man mistakes firefles for alien lasers, fires gun at them!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/22/18 LISTEN!
7/22/18: WA burgler breaks into "escape room" business, gets trapped; Aussie fuel thieves siphon toilet sewage tank by mistake!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/29/18 LISTEN!
7/29/18: TX man drives with washing machine strapped to hood; TX woman bites off and swallows neighbor's nose!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/5/18 LISTEN!
8/5/18: Dog in China falls down manhole and chews through internet cable; MI woman bites off man's ear in fight over Chinese food order!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/12/18 LISTEN!
8/12/18: Cactus thief in Tokyo punches security guard in face; remembering plants that perform mathematical calculations!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/19/18 LISTEN!
8/19/18: Egyptian zoo accused of painting donkeys to look like zebras; CA couple startled by masked intruder asking for wifi password!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/26/18 LISTEN!
8/26/18: MI farmer launches horse-drawn Amish Uber; FL police get help from cows chasing car thief!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/2/18 LISTEN!
9/2/18: Russian man steals tons of railroad track; Barnum's animal crackers critters are cage-free!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/9/18 LISTEN!
9/9/18: Data thief swallows USB flash drive to hide evidence; LA woman thinks couch is possessed by devil, sets house on fire!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/16/18 LISTEN!
9/16/18: Kindergarten in China hires pole dancer for back-to-school night; VA shoe store thief steals only right-foot shoes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/23/18 LISTEN!
9/23/18: CT woman mistakenly grabs stick of dynamite during power outage; OH grocery store employee arrested for helping herself to deli meat for eight years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/30/18 LISTEN!
9/30/18: Man arrested in VA grocery store for rubbing produce items on his buttocks; AZ man plays saxophone on side of freeway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/7/18 LISTEN!
10/7/18: Maine woman sells moose turds as works of art!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/14/18 LISTEN!
10/14/18: Volunteers needed to count squirrels in NY's Central Park; FL grandma pops out dentures to scare away naked intruder!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/21/18 LISTEN!
10/21/18: UK townsfolk haunted by the sound of children's nursery rhymes in the middle of the night, triggered by spiders!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/28/18 LISTEN!
10/28/18: LA man blames a ghost for drugs in his house; WV woman tells police she wants to drink their blood!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/4/18 LISTEN!
11/4/18: There's plastic in our poop!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/11/18 LISTEN!
11/11/18: Suspicious package discovered in NC turned out to be Journey cassette tape; half-naked woman falls through TN restaurant's kitchen ceiling!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/18/18 LISTEN!
11/18/18: USAF spends $1200 on coffee cup; remembering my demented Thanksgiving dinner recipe from 1989!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/25/18 LISTEN!
11/25/18: FL man dressed as Fred Flintstone pulled over in footmobile; PA assault involving cans of SpaghettiOs!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/2/18 LISTEN!
12/2/18: FL package thief gets box full of worms; mysterious ATM found in Maine backwoods!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/9/18 LISTEN!
12/9/18: Inflatable Frosty the Snowman decoration in TN was slashed across the stomach; abominable snowman sightings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/16/18 LISTEN!
12/16/18: A.V. Club releases nine-hour "179 Days Of Christmas" song; NJ teacher sacked after telling first-graders that Santa Claus isn't real!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/23/18 LISTEN!
12/23/18: UK elementary school's "elf murder" project causes consternation from parents; diving Santa Clauses make quite a spalsh!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/30/18 LISTEN!
12/30/18: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Will gets locked out of the studio!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/6/19 LISTEN!
1/6/19: Computer chip sniffs armpits to check for body odor; PUNgent fallout from New World Odor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/13/19 LISTEN!
1/13/19: Iowa man assaults convenience store clerk with banana; Barack Obama debuts on Billboard R&B chart!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/20/19 LISTEN!
1/20/19: Ford Motor Company adds sweat glands to its robot butt; CA man licks stranger's doorbell for three hours!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/27/19 LISTEN!
1/27/19: It's the 2019 State of Dementia address, featuring clips from all the songs on the most recent Funny 25 countdown!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/3/19 LISTEN!
2/3/19: PA man comforted by emotional-support alligator; German officials apprehend airline passenger with boa constrictor in his pants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/10/19 LISTEN!
2/10/19: NM school delays classes after vegetable-oil prank; WA baker in hot water over politically-charged Valentime's Day cookie!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/17/19 LISTEN!
2/17/19: By special request, it's the "Dr. Demento Story" exposť from 1991!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/24/19 LISTEN!
2/24/19: Weather service issues "small dog alert" due to strong winds; streaker shuts down SC airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/3/19 LISTEN!
3/3/19: TX man covers self in peanut butter, walks around dog park; LA man in gorilla suit breaks into home!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/10/19 LISTEN!
3/10/19: TX man steals 612 pairs of women's underwear; exotic dancers on strike in Hollywood!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/17/19 LISTEN!
3/17/19: 30-million-page library en route to the moon to preserve human civilization; VT town elects goat as mayor!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/24/19 LISTEN!
3/24/19: Naked, barking man steals SUV and assaults police in Iowa; Australian man's cellphone blocks arrow fired at him!



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