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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 8/20/17

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.




THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)


THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/16 LISTEN!
8/21/16: Australian runway uses flaming toilet paper rolls to land plane; Iowa train car derails into bar called Derailed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/16 LISTEN!
8/28/16: DUI in Amish Country; pedestrian in Germany dents passing car with bologna sausage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/16 LISTEN!
9/4/16: Burning underwear in Madison, WI, causes a car fire and smoking clothes dryer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/16 LISTEN!
9/11/16: Music for Cats album gets purrfect reviews; vandal modifies Houston crosswalk "hand" to display obscene gesture!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/16 LISTEN!
9/18/16: Scotland man approaches female runners and asks for piggyback ride; Aussie motorist uses metal frying pan as steering wheel!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/16 LISTEN!
9/25/16: Phully thief stealing ones and seros from house addresses; computers and robots will commit more crimes than humans by 2040!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/16 LISTEN!
10/2/16: Dublin man repeatedly defecates in front of store; gold from Royal Canadian Mint smuggled out in rectum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/16 LISTEN!
10/9/16: People still baffled by computer terminology; remembering "St. George And The Internet" from 1995!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/16 LISTEN!
10/16/16: Election flashback from 1992: "A Candid Date with the Candidates" -- Bush/Clinton/Perot/Stockdale!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/16 LISTEN!
10/23/16: Remembering my original "Halloween Cut-Up" (1986) on its 30th anniversary!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/16 LISTEN!
10/30/16: Demented trick-or-treating with my "Halloween Cut-Up" (2001)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/16 LISTEN!
11/6/16: Passenger fined for defecating on runaway at Italian airport; minute hand plunges from church tower clock in Germany!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/16 LISTEN!
11/13/16: Bomb-detecting, bionic spinach plants; remembering Ukrainian man using cabbage head as gun silencer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/16 LISTEN!
11/20/16: Exploding bottle of salad dressing terrorizes WY woman; Thanksgiving dinner accident causes international incident!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/16 LISTEN!
11/27/16: Sword-wielding man foiled by plastic fork-wielding woman in Scotland; Saskatchewan doctor charged with trading marijuana for stereo speakers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/16 LISTEN!
12/4/16: MA woman tries to use pizza as ID to get into bar; German court rules breast implants okay for police women!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/16 LISTEN!
12/11/16: It's a visit to Santa's Workshop (from 1988)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/16 LISTEN!
12/18/16: WA squirrel wages war on Christmas light display; holiday news flashes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/16 LISTEN!
12/25/16: An exclusive interview with Santa Claus... new for 2016!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/17 LISTEN!
1/1/17: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Whimsical Will gets locked out!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/17 LISTEN!
1/8/17: Hatchimals toys accused of swearing; Barbie dropping f-bombs?!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/17 LISTEN!
1/15/17: Facebook blocks photo of Neptune statue for being too explicit; world's fastest bed clocks in at 83.8 mph!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/17 LISTEN!
1/22/17: NY man calls police to stop wind from blowing; flaming load of muffins closes Montreal highway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/29/17 LISTEN!
1/29/17: Swiss company makes watch out of cheese for a million euros!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/5/17 LISTEN!
2/5/17: Czech artist sets record for most people inside a soap bubble; MA man fights ticket, blames it on speeding deer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/12/17 LISTEN!
2/12/17: MI father and son arrested for fighting over onion; ID family surprised when moose falls through window!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/19/17 LISTEN!
2/19/17: Quebec morticians want to curtail funeral selfies; UK man arrested for having intimate relations with a street drain cover!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/26/17 LISTEN!
2/26/17: Italian restaurateur offers discount for well-behaved families; NASA announces winner of "Space Poop Challenge"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/5/17 LISTEN!
3/5/17: Tormented by "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" earworm; 30th anniversary of the "Demented News"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/12/17 LISTEN!
3/12/17: Wedding dress made of burrito wrappers enters Taco Bell contest; Nintendo Switch video game cards taste disgusting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/19/17 LISTEN!
3/19/17: FL lawyer's pants catch fire during arson trial; NZ man in shark costume robs gas station!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/26/17 LISTEN!
3/26/17: "Five-Second Rule" proven scientific; man mistakes cement mixer for woman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/2/17 LISTEN!
4/2/17: Police called to OH Taco Bell drive-thru over sauce-selection fracas; Bejing public restroom requires facial scan for toilet paper dispensing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/9/17 LISTEN!
4/9/17: UK woman jailed for repeatedly blaring Ed Sheeran song; UK man finds package delivered in toilet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/16/17 LISTEN!
4/16/17: Canadian police issue pun-filled advisory over lettuce theft; cannibalism study fnds people are not very nutritious!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/23/17 LISTEN!
4/23/17: NZ airport evacuated over burnt toast; massive Mountain Dew spill causes huge foaming event in MI!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/30/17 LISTEN!
4/30/17: AK dentist pulls patient's tooth while riding hoverboard; hash browns recalled for possible golf ball contamination!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/7/17 LISTEN!
5/7/17: (From 2007) WI man gives friends clock-radio that is also hidden camera; shortage of ceremonial kilts for Scottish soldiers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/14/17 LISTEN!
5/14/17: Security robot beat up in Silicon Valley parking lot; Blockbuster Video still thriving in Alaska!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/21/17 LISTEN!
5/21/17: Colombian woman eats life savings to get revenge on cheating husband; ransomware encrypts news!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/28/17 LISTEN!
5/28/17: (From 2011) WI postal carrier delivers in the nude; Vladimir Putin sings "Blueberry Hill"! (Note Ukraine & Crimea references... remember, this report is from 2011.)

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/4/17 LISTEN!
6/4/17: Dubai DJ sets record for longest underwater radio broadcast; Topless Cleaning owner arrested for stealing underwear!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/11/17 LISTEN!
6/11/17: MA clown barred from juggling at robbery trial; KY cable repairman clogs customer's toilet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/18/17 LISTEN!
6/18/17: CA man shot by gun loaded with breakfast cereal; FL man steals motor oil in his pants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/25/17 LISTEN!
6/25/17: Urinating in the AR courthouse elevator; Toronto man finds gun and shoots typewriter!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/2/17 LISTEN!
7/2/17: Californians alerted to earthquake that occured in 1925; AR mall worker wrestles stripper pole away from biting thief!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/9/17 LISTEN!
7/9/17: South Korean researchers design quacking car horn; New Zealand councilor warns about "falling fat people"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/16/17 LISTEN!
7/16/17: Chocolate-snorting trend could pose health risks; London IT expert eats chocolate reproduction of his brain!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/23/17 LISTEN!
7/23/17: Russia worries that fidget spinners will turn kids against Kremlin; cane toad mating call compared to Barry White's crooning!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/30/17 LISTEN!
7/30/17: Global sand shortage; coffee recalled for Viagra-like ingredient!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/6/17 LISTEN!
8/6/17: Alice Cooper finds multi-million-dollar Andy Warhol artwork in 40-year-old storage; remembering Putin portrait painted with breasts!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/13/17 LISTEN!
8/13/17: UK man steals combine harvester, leads police on slow-speed chase; sailor rescued from toy dinghy that drifted out to sea!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/20/17 LISTEN!
8/20/17: A demented look at the solar eclipse, including news of a Texas woman who wants it rescheduled to be more convenient!



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