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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 12/1/19

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)

THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/9/18 LISTEN!
12/9/18: Inflatable Frosty the Snowman decoration in TN was slashed across the stomach; abominable snowman sightings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/16/18 LISTEN!
12/16/18: A.V. Club releases nine-hour "179 Days Of Christmas" song; NJ teacher sacked after telling first-graders that Santa Claus isn't real!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/23/18 LISTEN!
12/23/18: UK elementary school's "elf murder" project causes consternation from parents; diving Santa Clauses make quite a spalsh!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/30/18 LISTEN!
12/30/18: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Will gets locked out of the studio!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/6/19 LISTEN!
1/6/19: Computer chip sniffs armpits to check for body odor; PUNgent fallout from New World Odor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/13/19 LISTEN!
1/13/19: Iowa man assaults convenience store clerk with banana; Barack Obama debuts on Billboard R&B chart!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/20/19 LISTEN!
1/20/19: Ford Motor Company adds sweat glands to its robot butt; CA man licks stranger's doorbell for three hours!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/27/19 LISTEN!
1/27/19: It's the 2019 State of Dementia address, featuring clips from all the songs on the most recent Funny 25 countdown!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/3/19 LISTEN!
2/3/19: PA man comforted by emotional-support alligator; German officials apprehend airline passenger with boa constrictor in his pants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/10/19 LISTEN!
2/10/19: NM school delays classes after vegetable-oil prank; WA baker in hot water over politically-charged Valentime's Day cookie!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/17/19 LISTEN!
2/17/19: By special request, it's the "Dr. Demento Story" exposé from 1991!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/24/19 LISTEN!
2/24/19: Weather service issues "small dog alert" due to strong winds; streaker shuts down SC airport!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/3/19 LISTEN!
3/3/19: TX man covers self in peanut butter, walks around dog park; LA man in gorilla suit breaks into home!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/10/19 LISTEN!
3/10/19: TX man steals 612 pairs of women's underwear; exotic dancers on strike in Hollywood!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/17/19 LISTEN!
3/17/19: 30-million-page library en route to the moon to preserve human civilization; VT town elects goat as mayor!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/24/19 LISTEN!
3/24/19: Naked, barking man steals SUV and assaults police in Iowa; Australian man's cellphone blocks arrow fired at him!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/31/19 LISTEN!
3/31/19: Truck carrying 5,500 gallons of printer ink overturns on Atlanta interstate; NY burglar trapped in air duct!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/7/19 LISTEN!
4/7/19: Customers claim MA grocery store is haunted; HI man ordered to stop drinking Pepsi for four years after stealing car!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/14/19 LISTEN!
4/14/19: NASA wants to investigate astronaut poop left behind from the Apollo moon missions a half-century ago!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/21/19 LISTEN!
4/21/19: FL man theatened to destroy everyone with his army of turtles; OR police responding to a burglary ended up apprehending a Roomba!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/28/19 LISTEN!
4/28/19: Jail-seeking GA man throws drill at courthouse door; Irish woman who claims to have married ghost pirate says they're breaking up!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/5/19 LISTEN!
5/5/19: Chicago police round up runaway donkey on highway; PA thieves make off with colonoscopy instruments!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/12/19 LISTEN!
5/12/19: Swallowed AirPod still works after passing; AZ woman moons customers at Starbucks drive-through!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/19/19 LISTEN!
5/19/19: MI man threatens restaurant workers over lack of ranch dressing; TX restaurant employees put laxatives on their pizza!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/26/19 LISTEN!
5/26/19: Worldwide helium shortage; Pooey Puitton vs. Louis Vuitton lawsuit flushed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/2/19 LISTEN!
6/2/19: Man in China gets traffic ticket after scratching face; Chinese citizens required by law to respect giant pandas!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/9/19 LISTEN!
6/9/19: FL man covered in chocolate syrup arrested for domestic battery; Singapore man fined for flinging two rubber bands onto street!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/16/19 LISTEN!
6/16/19: Man robs two banks using avocado disguised as grenade; teen blames speeding violation on urgent bathroom call from too many hot wings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/23/19 LISTEN!
6/23/19: Frozen sewage falling from commercial airliners; remembering Sweet Sixteen birthday party spoiled by feces falling from the sky!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/30/19 LISTEN!
6/30/19: FL man defecates during trial and tries to throw feces at judge; United Airlines flight overtaken by ants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/7/19 LISTEN!
7/7/19: From 2014: PA man calls 911 repeatedly to play saxophone for emergency dispatchers; VT police searching for broccoli thief!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/14/19 LISTEN!
7/14/19: WARNING! It's a Whimsical Will tirade: Millennial cashiers are confounded by coins!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/21/19 LISTEN!
7/21/19: Topless UK woman jumps off roof to evade police; naked WI man tells police he's on "tons and tons and tons and tons and tons" of acid!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/28/19 LISTEN!
7/28/19: Bud Light offering free beer to extra-terrestrials that escape from Area 51; Popsicle Phil on a space alien's tail!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/4/19 LISTEN!
8/4/19: West Springfield, MA, invaded by runaway yaks; 17,000 oysters stolen from FL seafood company!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/11/19 LISTEN!
8/11/19: "Old Town Road" becomes the #1 song of all time; squeaky hinges play familiar melodies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/18/19 LISTEN!
8/18/19: Lightning strike near septic tank in FL causes toilet to explode; remembering other pressurized potties in the news!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/25/19 LISTEN!
8/25/19: UK company offers glitter-infused multivitamin for poop-time pizzazz; VA man wearing TV set on head leaves old TV sets on random front porches!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/1/19 LISTEN!
9/1/19: CT woman arrested for removing bikini at beach; Mimi's surf report; IN state trooper vehicle struck by dirty diaper!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/8/19 LISTEN!
9/8/19: NH woman fights to keep PB4WEGO vanity license plate; didgeridoo-wielding attacker in Tulsa!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/15/19 LISTEN!
9/15/19: Roller coaster stolen from Ohio fairgrounds; taking a ride on The Armageddon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/22/19 LISTEN!
9/22/19: NZ man brings emotional-support clown to work to ease firing anxiety; new study claims feces can treat depression!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/29/19 LISTEN!
9/29/19: Cellphone battery icons change how we perceive time and space; a NON-whistleblower scandal hits Dementia Central!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/6/19 LISTEN!
10/6/19: NE woman sets apartment on fire while burning love letters from ex; MI officer pulls python from engine of old Corvette!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/13/19 LISTEN!
10/13/19: Load of 200,000 dice spills onto GA highway; IL representative proposing pigeon poop plan gets pooped on by pigeon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/20/19 LISTEN!
10/20/19: Demented BOOS! TX man claims voodoo made him shoplift from Walmart; Underwater Pumpkin Carving Competition!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/27/19 LISTEN!
10/27/19: Demented BOOS! "Mummy Marauder" robs Houston bank; panty raid at witches' coven!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/3/19 LISTEN!
11/3/19: U.S. military finally upgrades from 8" floppies for computer storage; quid pro quo mania!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/10/19 LISTEN!
11/10/19: FL brothers' Bible argument leads to gunshots; fired OH employee pranks former boss with yard full of geese!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/17/19 LISTEN!
11/17/19: Tapeworm has been eating a man's brain for 15 years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/24/19 LISTEN!
11/24/19: Naked airline pilot in hotel window wins settlement; Thanksgiving holiday travel antics!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/1/19 LISTEN!
12/1/19: Police in Rome accused of taking ice cream bribes; students in Philippines turning dog doo into bricks!


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