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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 5/21/17

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.




THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
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THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/29/16 LISTEN!
5/29/16: AZ news reporter arrested for publicly defecating; equal time with the "urban-sexuals"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/5/16 LISTEN!
6/5/16: U.S. Defense Department still uses 8-inch floppy disks to coordinate nuclear forces!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/12/16 LISTEN!
6/12/16: UK police officer barks like a dog to arrest suspect; washing machine uses fingerprint technology to ensure household chores are shared!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/19/16 LISTEN!
6/19/16: Giant, inflatable dog poop stolen in Spain; CA high school student brings video game as date to prom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/26/16 LISTEN!
6/26/16: VA dad uses real helicopter to extract son's loose tooth; deli meat truck crashes into bread truck in NJ!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/3/16 LISTEN!
7/3/16: NE man arrested again for hiding under cars and touching women's feet; NJ man travels U.S. stealing Star Wars Lego sets!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/10/16 LISTEN!
7/10/16: ME police report snake eating beaver on riverbank; reward offered in South Africa for return of stolen mushroom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/17/16 LISTEN!
7/17/16: Eau de Comet space perfume smells like cat pee; remembering Dell laptops that smell like cat pee!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/24/16 LISTEN!
7/24/16: MO couple riding naked on stolen lawnmower; PA man arrested for getting high with human brain!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/31/16 LISTEN!
7/31/16: UK woman uses bacon as weapon to beat down attacker; NJ man poops his pants to avoid arrest!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/7/16 LISTEN!
8/7/16: OR man threatens passersby with stolen street sign; Wackivanian woman sues over breast tattoo gone bad!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/14/16 LISTEN!
8/14/16: Stolen air conditioner in TX; pizza ATM at OH university; NJ bill proposes punishment for drivers who eat, drink, or groom!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/21/16 LISTEN!
8/21/16: Australian runway uses flaming toilet paper rolls to land plane; Iowa train car derails into bar called Derailed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/28/16 LISTEN!
8/28/16: DUI in Amish Country; pedestrian in Germany dents passing car with bologna sausage!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/4/16 LISTEN!
9/4/16: Burning underwear in Madison, WI, causes a car fire and smoking clothes dryer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/11/16 LISTEN!
9/11/16: Music for Cats album gets purrfect reviews; vandal modifies Houston crosswalk "hand" to display obscene gesture!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/18/16 LISTEN!
9/18/16: Scotland man approaches female runners and asks for piggyback ride; Aussie motorist uses metal frying pan as steering wheel!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/25/16 LISTEN!
9/25/16: Phully thief stealing ones and seros from house addresses; computers and robots will commit more crimes than humans by 2040!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/2/16 LISTEN!
10/2/16: Dublin man repeatedly defecates in front of store; gold from Royal Canadian Mint smuggled out in rectum!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/9/16 LISTEN!
10/9/16: People still baffled by computer terminology; remembering "St. George And The Internet" from 1995!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/16/16 LISTEN!
10/16/16: Election flashback from 1992: "A Candid Date with the Candidates" -- Bush/Clinton/Perot/Stockdale!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/23/16 LISTEN!
10/23/16: Remembering my original "Halloween Cut-Up" (1986) on its 30th anniversary!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/30/16 LISTEN!
10/30/16: Demented trick-or-treating with my "Halloween Cut-Up" (2001)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/6/16 LISTEN!
11/6/16: Passenger fined for defecating on runaway at Italian airport; minute hand plunges from church tower clock in Germany!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/13/16 LISTEN!
11/13/16: Bomb-detecting, bionic spinach plants; remembering Ukrainian man using cabbage head as gun silencer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/20/16 LISTEN!
11/20/16: Exploding bottle of salad dressing terrorizes WY woman; Thanksgiving dinner accident causes international incident!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/27/16 LISTEN!
11/27/16: Sword-wielding man foiled by plastic fork-wielding woman in Scotland; Saskatchewan doctor charged with trading marijuana for stereo speakers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/4/16 LISTEN!
12/4/16: MA woman tries to use pizza as ID to get into bar; German court rules breast implants okay for police women!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/11/16 LISTEN!
12/11/16: It's a visit to Santa's Workshop (from 1988)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/18/16 LISTEN!
12/18/16: WA squirrel wages war on Christmas light display; holiday news flashes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/25/16 LISTEN!
12/25/16: An exclusive interview with Santa Claus... new for 2016!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/1/17 LISTEN!
1/1/17: Remembering the 1989 "Funny 25" preshow festivities! Dr. Demento arrives by helicopter... and Whimsical Will gets locked out!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/8/17 LISTEN!
1/8/17: Hatchimals toys accused of swearing; Barbie dropping f-bombs?!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/15/17 LISTEN!
1/15/17: Facebook blocks photo of Neptune statue for being too explicit; world's fastest bed clocks in at 83.8 mph!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/22/17 LISTEN!
1/22/17: NY man calls police to stop wind from blowing; flaming load of muffins closes Montreal highway!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/29/17 LISTEN!
1/29/17: Swiss company makes watch out of cheese for a million euros!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/5/17 LISTEN!
2/5/17: Czech artist sets record for most people inside a soap bubble; MA man fights ticket, blames it on speeding deer!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/12/17 LISTEN!
2/12/17: MI father and son arrested for fighting over onion; ID family surprised when moose falls through window!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/19/17 LISTEN!
2/19/17: Quebec morticians want to curtail funeral selfies; UK man arrested for having intimate relations with a street drain cover!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/26/17 LISTEN!
2/26/17: Italian restaurateur offers discount for well-behaved families; NASA announces winner of "Space Poop Challenge"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/5/17 LISTEN!
3/5/17: Tormented by "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" earworm; 30th anniversary of the "Demented News"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/12/17 LISTEN!
3/12/17: Wedding dress made of burrito wrappers enters Taco Bell contest; Nintendo Switch video game cards taste disgusting!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/19/17 LISTEN!
3/19/17: FL lawyer's pants catch fire during arson trial; NZ man in shark costume robs gas station!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/26/17 LISTEN!
3/26/17: "Five-Second Rule" proven scientific; man mistakes cement mixer for woman!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/2/17 LISTEN!
4/2/17: Police called to OH Taco Bell drive-thru over sauce-selection fracas; Bejing public restroom requires facial scan for toilet paper dispensing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/9/17 LISTEN!
4/9/17: UK woman jailed for repeatedly blaring Ed Sheeran song; UK man finds package delivered in toilet!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/16/17 LISTEN!
4/16/17: Canadian police issue pun-filled advisory over lettuce theft; cannibalism study fnds people are not very nutritious!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/23/17 LISTEN!
4/23/17: NZ airport evacuated over burnt toast; massive Mountain Dew spill causes huge foaming event in MI!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/30/17 LISTEN!
4/30/17: AK dentist pulls patient's tooth while riding hoverboard; hash browns recalled for possible golf ball contamination!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/7/17 LISTEN!
5/7/17: (From 2007) WI man gives friends clock-radio that is also hidden camera; shortage of ceremonial kilts for Scottish soldiers!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/14/17 LISTEN!
5/14/17: Security robot beat up in Silicon Valley parking lot; Blockbuster Video still thriving in Alaska!


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/21/17 LISTEN!
5/21/17: Colombian woman eats life savings to get revenge on cheating husband; ransomware encrypts news!



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