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"Demented News" in MP3!
Whimsical Will's
"Demented News" Reports in MP3!

UPDATED 5/31/20

Complete "Demented News" reports by Whimsical Will from the Dr. Demento Show in MP3!
Here's an archive of the past year and requested favorites.


THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" REPORT IS HERE!
(Scroll to bottom of page)

THE MOST REQUESTED "DEMENTED NEWS"! LISTEN!
Warning! It's a Whimsical Will grammar tantrum (from 1995)!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2012, it's a exclusive interview with Mars rover, Curiosity!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
From 2010, it's a demented look at airport security!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST LISTEN!
This one's for Roadrunner of San Diego, CA: Paramount sues author over book, "How to Have a Romantic Relationship with a 'Star Trek' Fan"; Klingon language lessons revisted; and a 9-year-old Whimsical Will voices the role of "Young Spock"!

"DEMENTED NEWS" FAVORITE! LISTEN!
Not one, but TWO (count 'em!) stories of exploding toilets and news of extended-life underwear with THREE (count 'em!) leg holes!

"DEMENTED NEWS" REQUEST! LISTEN!
Dementoid John requested this report from 1993: Billy Joel "interview"; Janis Ian terrorized by fan; a tour through Dr. Demento's archives!


AN ARCHIVE OF THE PAST YEAR IN "DEMENTED NEWS"

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/2/19 LISTEN!
6/2/19: Man in China gets traffic ticket after scratching face; Chinese citizens required by law to respect giant pandas!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/9/19 LISTEN!
6/9/19: FL man covered in chocolate syrup arrested for domestic battery; Singapore man fined for flinging two rubber bands onto street!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/16/19 LISTEN!
6/16/19: Man robs two banks using avocado disguised as grenade; teen blames speeding violation on urgent bathroom call from too many hot wings!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/23/19 LISTEN!
6/23/19: Frozen sewage falling from commercial airliners; remembering Sweet Sixteen birthday party spoiled by feces falling from the sky!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 6/30/19 LISTEN!
6/30/19: FL man defecates during trial and tries to throw feces at judge; United Airlines flight overtaken by ants!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/7/19 LISTEN!
7/7/19: From 2014: PA man calls 911 repeatedly to play saxophone for emergency dispatchers; VT police searching for broccoli thief!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/14/19 LISTEN!
7/14/19: WARNING! It's a Whimsical Will tirade: Millennial cashiers are confounded by coins!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/21/19 LISTEN!
7/21/19: Topless UK woman jumps off roof to evade police; naked WI man tells police he's on "tons and tons and tons and tons and tons" of acid!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 7/28/19 LISTEN!
7/28/19: Bud Light offering free beer to extra-terrestrials that escape from Area 51; Popsicle Phil on a space alien's tail!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/4/19 LISTEN!
8/4/19: West Springfield, MA, invaded by runaway yaks; 17,000 oysters stolen from FL seafood company!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/11/19 LISTEN!
8/11/19: "Old Town Road" becomes the #1 song of all time; squeaky hinges play familiar melodies!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/18/19 LISTEN!
8/18/19: Lightning strike near septic tank in FL causes toilet to explode; remembering other pressurized potties in the news!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 8/25/19 LISTEN!
8/25/19: UK company offers glitter-infused multivitamin for poop-time pizzazz; VA man wearing TV set on head leaves old TV sets on random front porches!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/1/19 LISTEN!
9/1/19: CT woman arrested for removing bikini at beach; Mimi's surf report; IN state trooper vehicle struck by dirty diaper!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/8/19 LISTEN!
9/8/19: NH woman fights to keep PB4WEGO vanity license plate; didgeridoo-wielding attacker in Tulsa!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/15/19 LISTEN!
9/15/19: Roller coaster stolen from Ohio fairgrounds; taking a ride on The Armageddon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/22/19 LISTEN!
9/22/19: NZ man brings emotional-support clown to work to ease firing anxiety; new study claims feces can treat depression!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 9/29/19 LISTEN!
9/29/19: Cellphone battery icons change how we perceive time and space; a NON-whistleblower scandal hits Dementia Central!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/6/19 LISTEN!
10/6/19: NE woman sets apartment on fire while burning love letters from ex; MI officer pulls python from engine of old Corvette!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/13/19 LISTEN!
10/13/19: Load of 200,000 dice spills onto GA highway; IL representative proposing pigeon poop plan gets pooped on by pigeon!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/20/19 LISTEN!
10/20/19: Demented BOOS! TX man claims voodoo made him shoplift from Walmart; Underwater Pumpkin Carving Competition!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 10/27/19 LISTEN!
10/27/19: Demented BOOS! "Mummy Marauder" robs Houston bank; panty raid at witches' coven!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/3/19 LISTEN!
11/3/19: U.S. military finally upgrades from 8" floppies for computer storage; quid pro quo mania!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/10/19 LISTEN!
11/10/19: FL brothers' Bible argument leads to gunshots; fired OH employee pranks former boss with yard full of geese!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/17/19 LISTEN!
11/17/19: Tapeworm has been eating a man's brain for 15 years!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 11/24/19 LISTEN!
11/24/19: Naked airline pilot in hotel window wins settlement; Thanksgiving holiday travel antics!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/1/19 LISTEN!
12/1/19: Police in Rome accused of taking ice cream bribes; students in Philippines turning dog doo into bricks!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/8/19 LISTEN!
12/8/19: Spelling error in Canadian Christmas fair ad invites guests to take photo with "Satan"; Florida dog locked in car circles cul-de-sac in reverse!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/15/19 LISTEN!
12/15/19: Using electric eels to power Christmas tree lights; Santa Claus chimney rehearsal mishap!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/22/19 LISTEN!
12/22/19: FL woman attacks FL man with artificial Christmas tree; new world record for kissing under the mistletoe!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 12/29/19 LISTEN!
12/29/19: From 1995, it's a demented review of some of the songs that didn't quite make it to the Funny 25 countdown!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/5/20 LISTEN!
1/5/20: AZ man registers swarm of bees as emotional-support animals; USC professor creates wearable produce garden!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/12/20 LISTEN!
1/12/20: Fried stinkbugs added to menu in China; workers in rice noodle factory get paid a "stink bonus" over sour bamboo shoots!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/19/20 LISTEN!
1/19/20: Stone Age chewing gum discovered; FL police searching for toe sucker!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 1/26/20 LISTEN!
1/26/20: UK cutlery company offers cooking knives with blunt tips to combat violence; man in Scotland arrested for having intimate relations with a fence!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/2/20 LISTEN!
2/2/20: Broken escalators in Mexico City subway stations blamed on urine; remembering AR courthouse problem with urine in elevator!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/9/20 LISTEN!
2/9/20: Oscar Mayer Wienermobile pulled over in Wisconsin; "Demented News" exclusive interview with Bolton!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/16/20 LISTEN!
2/16/20: German woman plans to marry an airplane; London bar installs wine ATM!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 2/23/20 LISTEN!
2/23/20: FL man restricted from bringing lifesized cardboard Trump cutout to dialysis treatment; bear arm found on CA roadside!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/1/20 LISTEN!
3/1/20: Woman recovers still-playable audio cassette mixtape 25 years after misplacing it on Spanish beach!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/8/20 LISTEN!
3/8/20: Canadian man uses rubber chicken to steal from fast-food restaurant; remembering clucking man stealing drills from Sears!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/15/20 LISTEN!
3/15/20: Price gouging and hoarding during challenging times; remembering record for most people inside a soap bubble!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/22/20 LISTEN!
3/22/20: UK boy sent home from school after charging students to use his hand sanitizer; runaway cow in Florida!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 3/29/20 LISTEN!
3/29/20: Social-distancing tips; shredded T-shirts as toilet paper clog sewer system in Redding, CA!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/5/20 LISTEN!
4/5/20: Stay-at-home workers keep webcams off due to lack of clothing; Portland strippers deliver food!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/12/20 LISTEN!
4/12/20: Australian physicist gets magnets stuck in his nose while trying to build a device to prevent face touching; truck's toilet-paper cargo burns!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/19/20 LISTEN!
4/19/20: MI man wears thong underwear as face mask, assaults taunter; MI wedding ceremony populated with 100 cardboard-cutout guests!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 4/26/20 LISTEN!
4/26/20: MD police issued warning about going outside to check mail without pants; UK woman in relationship with antique chandelier!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/3/20 LISTEN!
5/3/20: CT police on wild chase to catch a runaway pig; Icelandic Forest Service recommends hugging trees during social distancing!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/10/20 LISTEN!
5/10/20: Tokyo aquarium organizing video chat so skittish eels and humans can interact again; Russian runner runs 62 miles in laps around his bed!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/17/20 LISTEN!
5/17/20: It's an exclusive interview with a MURDER HORNET!

"DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/24/20 LISTEN!
5/24/20: MA lawyer responds to state bar investigation with "boom shakalaka"; penguins poop laughing gas!

THIS WEEK'S "DEMENTED NEWS" -- 5/31/20 LISTEN!
5/31/20: WY strip club reopens with masks-on, clothes-off party during pandemic; SC restaurant uses blow-up dolls to enforce social distancing; Korean soccer team fills stands with sex dolls!


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